An Oxymoron

Slutty virgin: an example of an oxymoron, yes? Technically impossible, isn’t it? But in the day and age we live in, where everything is fast-paced and lines are being blurred and people are growing cynical, this term is completely acceptable. How else would you describe me?

I’m a college freshman, female, pretty enough and small enough (to others, anyways). So what should society expect from me if not to get drunk, be easy, and become a complete mess for at least my first semester?

And I’ve fit the bill – to an extent. I came into college from a school that was not big on partying. I’d never been drunk, never tried pot, never had sex, and I was a straight-A student.

Now I get drunk at least once a week, almost every week and I’ve tried pot. But I’m still a virgin and I’m doing really well in school, for a freshman anyways. The big thing that’s making my head spin and pulling me in all different directions is that I’ve “hooked up” with four different guys since coming to school – two and a half months ago.

(For the purposes of this blog, I will define “hooked up” as making out. And not naked.)

The first time was fun. Drunk, under the stars on a football field, freezing, and with a hot army guy. The second guy turned into a repetitive “thing” even – until it stopped abruptly (he got back with his ex, but that’s another story). The third was… he was just too drunk and sloppy, period. And the fourth is blurry in my mind still – I was drunk, desperate, and kinda sad over the second guy.

The point is, I’m torn between feeling crazy with power and recklessly slutty. And I think many girls think this way. I’ve never done random hook ups before, and I’ve never even done more than make out with a guy. And I don’t plan on it, either. I personally see hook ups as harmless, and I would never go farther unless I was the guy’s girlfriend and I felt comfortable and ready. And I’m saving the home run until marriage.

Out of all my friends, I’m the most independent. I’m not afraid to stand up for myself, I don’t really rely on anyone to help me through the hard stuff. I’m not a girl that a guy can push around.

But I still wonder – what is the rest of the world thinking about me? When you read that I’m in college, drinking, and hooking up, you probably wanted to label me as “slut” instantly and then walk away. And all these people at my college that don’t know me probably want to do that too. But have you ever thought about the girl behind those four letters?

I’m torn completely. On the one hand, I’m having fun, not hurting anyone, and not going farther than I want or should. I’m not crossing huge boundaries, I’d never touch a taken man, and I’m nice to everyone. But on the other hand, again and again I have to stop and ask myself, Am I a slut? Because society is tearing girls apart in two completely different directions:

You’re a virgin so you’re a prude. So you’re no fun. And probably socially awkward. I’ll picture you as plain or ugly, either too skinny or too fat, with some strange habit that no one understands. You’ve probably never had a boyfriend, or at least not an acceptable one, and you’ll never go out and party. You’re either a total nerd or a stone cold bitch that’s too feminist for their own good, or maybe you’re a closet lesbian.

I always see you hooking up with someone when I’m out, so you’re definitely a slut. You probably sleep with every guy you can get your hands on, and you’re a sloppy drunk. All you do is drink and fuck and get into stupid trouble. I’d hate to know what you’re midterm grades were. I can see you as a waitress or a bartender someday, but never as successful. By the time we graduate (if you graduate), you’ll either have a disease or a baby. You’ll never get a steady boyfriend, unless he’s the cheating kind.

So what do we girls do?

Is there any middle path? Will the rumors ever stop? Will we ever help each other, or is being accepting so much of a challenge now that it’s actually impossible?

Through my blog, I hope to correct these stereotypes. I want to prove that a girl can go out and party, have some single girl fun, and still have self-respect, say no, and be successful. Because it’s not fair that guys can suck faces with ten girls in one weekend and no one blinks at their 4.0 GPA. And it’s not fair that they can drink and smoke and be called a “bro” while a party girl is considered a “mess.”

And while I struggle to find the right middle path between these two extremes that I’m comfortable with, I hope my posts will help other girls to find their way too. Because we shouldn’t assume and we shouldn’t hate. It’s time we worked through this together.

Everyone deserves the right to live the life that makes them happy.


About margaretviolet

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." - Mae West
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2 Responses to An Oxymoron

  1. marymary says:

    this is great! I feel the same way as you do. I’m a virgin and proud šŸ™‚

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