Singular Point of View

I know I’m happier when I’m single.

I feel free, I’m not always thinking about someone else, and I love to flirt. So maybe I’m happier because I’m really just selfish, who knows. But I did get to thinking the other day…

If I know I feel happier, lighter single (and many other girls do, too), then why am I always thinking about how to get a boyfriend still? (Alright, maybe not always, but when I go out and see a cute guy, yes.)

Let me explain this. I’ve been both taken and single. I am… content in a relationship, but I do feel like there is less of a weight on me and I have more freedom in my life when I’m single. I think it’s because I don’t fool myself (at least in my head) about how I’m going to marry every boyfriend I have. I know I haven’t met the guy I’m going to marry yet, and I never get that caught up in a relationship. So, so far no guy has been so special to me that I can feel ridiculously happy with him, and don’t mind my “restricted freedom.”

Why then, is it always about the guy when I go out? Why do I still latch onto whatever crush I get, even though I know the guy isn’t the one and that I probably could do better?

The answer may be simple: Women are still #2. We still grow up with the stories of Cinderella being taken away by Prince Charming, Snow White brought back to life by her knight in shining armor, Beauty ending up with the Beast despite her initial fear. All the girls on Jersey Shore talk about are boys, even the girls of Sex and the City (and I do love this show more than words can say) were always discussing the men in their lives. And to some extent, we women all know this is fact and accept it. It’s simply so hard to stop our worlds from, to some extent, revolving around men.

But why? Why is it that we still need them, even if we know we don’t? What is it that makes me go get drunk at bars, hoping every weekend to bump into the Prince Charming I know does not exist? Are we masochistic?

For, no matter how far we have come, we are still held back. Maybe it’s how our brains are wired differently, maybe it’s our culture, our society, maybe it’s the fact that we bear the children and thus have a greater affinity for family life.

Maybe we need to stop. No matter how hard it is. I’m going to a ridiculously overpriced college, on a scholarship, with two jobs, and I have a million other things to worry about that are far more important. So maybe we need to find a way to just make ourselves stop every time we start fantasizing, getting sad or lonely, worrying about every boy and every move he makes. Because a real man will let you know if he’s interested. And if there are no real men left, so what?

I know that I’ve been happier with other things I’ve done in my life besides getting a boyfriend. I know that I can be happier doing something else than I can be in a boy’s arms. I know life holds a lot more for me than an erratically beating heart (that probably only beats erratically for a month tops, anyways). When I finish writing an A+ paper, when I write for one of my blogs, when I’m laughing hard with good friends, when I finish a good workout, when I’m exploring the city, when I get something that I’ve worked hard for – I feel better after all these things than any man could ever make me feel.

And maybe it comes down to this: We get more out of life for the things we work for. Love, supposedly, is all fate-driven. So if you meet him, you do. We don’t get a husband any quicker from being a perfect lady or showing more cleavage or going to bars or making an online dating profile or any of the tactics girls try.

So let’s stop worrying. Let’s focus on ourselves, our lives. Because they can be whatever we make them to be. And if we make them beautiful, I bet we can be a lot happier than any man could ever make us.


About margaretviolet

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." - Mae West
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